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Dhumavati Celebration

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Dhumavati is described as a giver of siddhis (supernatural powers), a rescuer from all troubles, and a granter of all desires and rewards, including ultimate knowledge and moksha (salvation).

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Dhumavati personifies the dark side of life, her name meaning “she who is made of smoke.” Smoke is a side effect of fire which is dark, polluting, and concealing. It is emblematic of the worse facets of human existence, these concepts are very ancient referring to keeping life’s inevitable suffering at bay. Generally represented by a crow, a symbol of loss, destruction, decay, and misfortune.

From her we can look at two ideas; one being unpleasant experiences will eventually result in a disgust that will turn us towards the divine, the other being the divine is everywhere – even what we ordinarily consider ugly or foul. All goddesses hold wisdom, Dhumavati shows us their should be a practical insight that the infinite Mother is everywhere.

How many times have you thought something was horrible then a day, a month, a few years later it ended up being a blessing in disguise? Misfortune may always appear different in retrospect. Adversity builds character and can turn an ordinary soul into an extraordinary one. Inevitably, the ebb and flow of ups and downs will continue as time goes on. Use today in representation of her as a lesson to cultivate detachment, seek hidden blessings, and continue the path to liberation.  Dhumavati’s worship is prescribed to ward off all the negativity that she stands for and to transcend the smoke screen to acquire true knowledge.

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Forgetting to be Present.

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It’s done. It feels so bizarre when A LOT of time frees up suddenly. These past 5 months I have been finishing my bachelor’s degree in Nutrition. Three classes were independent study, this means you sign up for the class and you have up to one year to finish it at your own pace. In my case, to qualify for the grants and loans I received I had to finish them within the semester. The problem with self-study classes is getting the ambition to get the work.67 done. It’s so easy to distract yourself if there is something to clean or a friend to hang out with. Yet I couldn’t live in the present. Every time I was ‘distracting’ myself, the little voice in my head was disappointed with me.

It was a wild ride, but I did it. I managed to get everything turned in on time, passed my classes with mostly A’s and a B, and I should be receiving my degree in the mail next month…Yay me!

Now I feel like I’m twiddling my thumbs … I don’t know what to do with all this time. It’s been so long, I almost forgot what I enjoy doing. These last 10 days have been a roller coaster. The first week I was hit with a myriad of emotions. Everything that I had been suppressing for the last 5 months. It was overwhelming to say the least. Another moment of feeling a little ashamed at having not processed anything and letting it build up – I know better than that especially in a life of recovery.

Day 10, life is evening out. Still not sure what direction to go – looks like it should be back to basics. Sometimes we lose ourselves, in whatever it might be; the important aspect is the bounce back.

Breathing in inspiration, Exhaling disappointment. Breathing in perseverance, Exhaling self-defeating thoughts. Breathing in hope, Exhaling gratitude. Releasing with three sighs, knowing I am now connected to the Divine and am ready to step on my path.

Here is to remembering how to live in the “NOW” with happiness – Cheers!

Ocean Waves

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The ebb and flow of change is sometimes hard to cope with. When the story doesn’t go as you imagined and it doesnt seem to be in your favor. It sure is hard to see the light sometimes, collecting our blessings and lessons gathered from realizations of experiences with positive or negative outcomes.

If you are currently unhappy or upset about a thought, feeling, or consequence

Change it.

Easier said then done. Although, different perspectives can drastically shift the emotion attached to particular thoughts. For instance, a lover’s quarrel seems miniscule in comparison to a friend being diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes all it takes is a change of scenery to secure a different outlook on your current situation. Sometimes I look at pictures of puppies and kitties for sale on craigslist – it always seems to make me smile. Perhaps I will sit down and watch a comedy or a documentary or a guided meditation. Today I decided to try something new….

It was both terrifying and magical to walk through the tropical forest at The Butterfly Pavilion. So scared I may step on one, yet watching them flutter around and zip past my head was breathtaking. They freaked me out when they came zooming for my head, of course it always resulted in a soft giggle to myself for being frightened of something so silly.

One of these delicate creatures landed on my journal this afternoon, while staring up at me with its glossy eyes, it smiled and reminded me to see the bigger picture. Change can be complicated, terrifying, magical, breathtaking, humbling, fast, silly, and simple all at the same time.

Butterflies are not afraid of the unknown and whimsically dance through the forecast of fear to fully live in the now. There is an innate beauty in the finishing of a process, a completion of a step, and the excitement of the unknown future. To go boldly, genuinely, and with love is the greatest gift one can give. Always keeping in mind “Everything is going to be OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.

❤

Contradicting Thoughts and Realizations 

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I went to a CA meeting on New Year’s Eve. The gentleman sharing was 21 years old. He had 5 years clean. I instantly judged him as not credible. He didn’t have enough experience. He didn’t have enough to lose.

Then he said something that instantly made me feel terrible about my judgments. “It doesn’t matter if you hit rock bottom or not we are all here for the same reason.” We go to meetings because we have a problem, we keep it anonymous to not be judged, we all agree we need help and that we cannot stay clean doing it alone. 

I felt horrible for having that initial thought, but that’s the point right? To catch ourselves if we do something wrong, recognize the error, and make it right. I realized this initial thought was silly based on one of my own beliefs. You only hit rock bottom when you die, if you are still alive there is still room for improvement. If you aren’t alive, you never have a chance to make things right. It doesn’t take a major life event to open your eyes to your addiction or a developing addiction. Sometimes all it takes is a realization that alcohol or drugs are causing you more pain then the pain you aim to escape from. Meetings are to give hope, to know you’re not alone, and something greater can help you conquer your addiction in despair. 

Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. It is important to stop pursuing whatever your idea of perfection is, you will never be happy if you aim for such an ideal. Find beauty in the littlr things. Happiness is appreciating what you have, not getting what you want.

Sobriety is a journey not a destination. I am excited to see what 2018 has in store for me!

#alwaysgettingbetter 

Donatello, The Reminder.

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Just breath.

In.

And.

Out.

Repeat.

This week has been rough emotionally for me. No reason why. Just sad. Maybe the solar flares a couple days ago had an effect? Perhaps mercury retrograde is placing a spin on things? Could be the stress from the holidays and scrambling to get the “appropriate” gifts for everyone. Either way, sometimes these “emotional funks” come and it can be impossible to leave your bed.

Occasionally they pass, and other times you must pull yourself out. The best way I have found to do this is by re-accessing my goals and making sure I am still on the path to achieving them and remembering what I am grateful for.

Today I put a little Donatello Ninja figurine at my desk. Although this action may look as though I am trying to preserve my youth, it has a deeper representation for me. The name Donatello has Latin, Italian, and Spanish roots and means “Gifts or Given from God”. Placed on my desk today as a reminder to hold gratitude for all the gifts we already have, counting all the blessings that continually enter my life.

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Mercury Retrograde – Is it all that bad?

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Mercury goes retrograde this Sunday, the 3rd … Sure, you shouldn’t travel, communication with others will be a little off, and your electronics may go on the brink a few times. Yet within this phase there are also some benefits that shouldn’t be overlooked.
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1.It’s easier to change your habits
In conjunction with the full moon on Tuesday letting go of any unpleasant habits will be twice as strong. The universe is empowering you to let go of what no longer serves you to make room for situations that compliment your goals. Not sure where to start? Choose a substitute for your bad habit, cut out as many triggers as possible, join forces with somebody, surround yourself with people who are living the life you want, visualize yourself succeeding, use positive affirmations daily.

2.A little introspection goes a long way to getting clarity
Take a little time for yourself; take a bath, read a book, journal, meditate. In today’s world, there are so many distractions and ideas coming at us from all angles. Every time I check my phone there are at least 5 new notifications for 3 different apps. Take some time for you. When is the last time you stepped away from distractions and just contemplated and self-assessed? Besides – electronics will be whack today anyway – so do yourself a favor and enjoy a little nature time.

3.New mantras adopted during mercury retrograde are super-powered
Mantras, affirmations, declarations, oh my! Whatever route you decide to go, now is the time. Super-power that self talk in a positive direction. My favorite mantra is “Aham Prema” I am divine love. This mantra affirms one’s divine love energy within, creating the highest essence of love. Help up your self-worth by repeating this mantra 108 times daily for the next 40 days. You can also use other mantras or positive affirmations, do what feels right for you. Shoot, by time you’re done Mercury will be out of retrograde!

4.Your creativity is off the charts
How do express your creativity? Do you paint, draw, doodle, journal, write a poem, write a book, scrapbook, take photos, dance, sing, sculpting, build something, design jewelry, crafts, make a candle or soap, garden, cook, make music, sew, knit, quilting, crocheting, and the list goes on. There are many ways to be creative and pick up hobbies. Find one that calls to you and simply begin.

5.You’re more intuitive
Your intuition will be firing on all cylinders during this phase. Test it out and nourish it. Here are a few ideas to do so.

  • Work directly with intuition – Find a comfortable seat. Follow your breath counting 1 on the inhale and 2 on the exhale. When you are relaxed identify an event or situation you’d like more insight about. Focus on that intently for a few minutes. Ask for a direct intuitive experience about it in the near future. -be in this moment – Let it go.
  • Work with indirect intuition – Get a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. Ask yourself, “what does my life need right now?” three times in a row, pausing between each question. Imagine you are going toward a more meaningful answer each time you ask. When you have finished asking, pick up your pen and draw one symbol on your paper. Interpret this symbol. What does it suggest you add, subtract, or enjoy from your life?
  • Learn to look for and pay attention to intuition’s subtly messages – Invest in your sixth sense. Imagine that your eyes, ears, hands, skin, emotions, and intellect could stretch out into the invisible world and captures sensations, information, inspiration, knowledge, and wisdom like a cable or cellphone captures invisible waves of sound and images. Let yourself walk through your day sensitive to other dimensions.
  • Choose a sense to work with – Make a date with yourself on your calendar and allow 2-3 hours. When the time comes, get in your car or other mode of transportation without knowing where you are going. Resist the first few ‘ideas’ you have about where you are going. Wait for the idea that makes your body very relaxed. Your body is the best barometer of what is right – if your choice arises from intuition, you will experience inner stillness, silence, and knowing it is right.

So Mercury Retrograde isn’t so bad – yet to be on the safe side here are some crystals to help ease the transition.

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Sponsorship

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I went to an AA meeting last night and the topic was sponsorship…. I still have yet to get a sponsor and start practicing the steps. NA and AA aren’t my major routes of maintaining a clean, productive life. I instead take a different path – as my lawyer once told a judge, she marches to the beat of a different drum.

I instead emerge myself in activities that I love, that I find joy in. I continually make goals for myself to achieve. I expand my network of people in sobriety as often as I can. Community is important. When you are walking this path, it is a necessity to have people to reach out to. Life is busy. When one doesn’t answer, you go to the next name on the list. Persistence pays off, once persistent to catch a high – now to avoid it.

74470d8057fb4e601afd5fd7aef42d7cI like the idea of having a sponsor – I think it would be more beneficial to have 5 though. ha 🙂 I think one of the coolest things about being in the scene is the level of brutal honesty that comes with it. The best kind of friends do not tell you what you want to hear – they tell you what you need to hear, similar to a sponsor I would imagine.

It is a beautiful feeling to have experienced everything I have and to be where I am today. To get to a point of gratitude and acceptance for the all the bad decisions I ever made, all of the terrible things that have happened, and the amount of change that evokes within.

You never know when a story you tell can be the perfect seed to help the garden sprout. Do not hold yourself back from telling yours, every chance you get. I believe everyone marches to their own drumbeat, picking up ideas from every avenue and putting them in practice, until one finds what works for them.

Nataranjasana

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Natarajasana, Lord of the Dance Pose.
Nata means “dancer”, raja means “king”, and asana means “posture”. Nataraja was a name given to the Hindu God Shiva, the great destroyer, in his form as the cosmic dancer.

I have always been in love with dance and utilizing different ways of movement to express myself. Breathing in this pose feels so right. Natarajasana stretches the shoulders, chest, thigh, groins, and abdomen. It strengthens the legs and ankles while improving balance.  This pose is an opportunity to cultivate an ability to shift out of the multi-tasking mentality the world seems to demand and move into this essential, centralized energy and space.

Looking to open and balance some of your chakras? This pose is great for encouraging love, personal power, and creativity by activating the heart, solar plexus, and sacral chakras.

Natarajasana is metaphorically dancing through our samsaras. Why is it that we refuse at times to see ourselves as divine beings?

This pose requires and builds full-body strength, flexibility, and coordination. Do not do this pose if you have an ankle, knee or low back injury, are currently experiencing low blood pressure, dizziness, migraines, or insomnia. So how do you get into it?

1. Begin in Tadasana (Mountain Pose)
2. Shift your weight to your left foot
3. Bend right leg to bring right heel toward sit bone
4. Draw the knees together and scoop the tailbone down while hugging the mid-line with both thighs
5. Raise your right arm up overhead while simultaneously kicking the right foot high to the sky connecting the right hand to the inside of your foot. If it’s available raise your left hand to meet your right foot as well, otherwise let it float, palms up in front of you.
6. Pull right ribs and hip forward while drawing in your right shoulder socket – working to square off the torso to the front
7. Lift through your heart, draw your belly in, and continue to hug towards the mid-line
8. Allow your drishti to be at the middle finger of your left hand (about third eye level)
… And now just breath. (Don’t forget to do the other side!)

Modifications:

  • Bow a the waist reaching heart forward
  • Holding toe of back foot pull elbow up with arm now reaching back over side of head
  • Use a strap wrapped around top of foot of lifted leg
  • For gentle variation stand with a wall 2 feet in front of you to balance

Utilize this pose to dance through your own samsaras, recognize what kleshas you fall in to and how to move through them. Not sure what a klesha is? Stay tuned … 🙂

Best Crystals for Travel

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Last week was one of the biggest gem shows in Colorado. I am not sure if it is fortunate or unfortunate that I cannot go without spending at least $500 every year. I thought I was doing well this year only spending $100, then the next day I spent another $300 and work traded $500 worth…oops. #sorrynotsorry

This year I had a different goal in mind. Generally, when I go I try to get items I don’t have yet or that I am really drawn to for meditating purposes. This year my goal was to pick out some small crystals that will help for traveling! I read over a few different blogs to see what other people thought was best. Then I made a list of ideas of what I wanted from the trip, some of those being abundance, divine guidance, confidence, emotional balance, healing, opportunity, problem solving, protection, and strength.

With the help of my handy dandy crystal book this is the list I came up with:

  • Malachite – Malachite is a guardian stone, it is said that if danger is looming it will shatter into pieces. Promotes leadership, enhances creativity, provides protection, and encourages confidence. It is also a stone of transformation, bring positive transformation to the wearer.
  • Sunstone – Benevolence, strength, abundance of blessings. Has a connection to the sun, holding its power within. This stone of luck permeates a special shine and boosts vitality.
  • Citrine – Manifestation, personal will, mental clarity, creativity. Inspires self-discipline and willpower, attracting professional success and wealth.
  • Bloodstone – Strength, courage, purification, vitality. Legend says that Bloodstone was first formed at Christ’s crucifixion by drops of blood staining the stones at the foot of the cross. Its grounding, fatigue, and irritability combating qualities also make it a strong stone for women to level out emotions.
  • Labradorite – Magic, protection. Properties heighten intuition and improve psychic abilities. It balances and protects the aura, preventing energetic leaks.
  • Rhodonite – Discovering and developing hidden talents, compassion, love, generosity, altruism. It is a stone that helps prevent arguing and bickering allowing one to see both sides of the situation.
  • Moonstone – Mystery, self-discovery, intuition, insight, dreams, the goddess, soothing, and helps with digestion. Moonstone is excellent to put in your luggage to ensure that it does not get lost.
  • Amethyst – Protection, purification, and release of addictions. Amethyst opens and activates the crown chakra, allowing the divine connection to thrive.
  • Lapis Lazuli – Inner vision, truthful communication, royal virtues. Helps to look at situations objectively. Reminds us of the power of the spoken word, fosters full verbal expression and clears problems caused by “swallowing your tongue.” Lapis Lazuli encourages clear expression when sharing information with others, including easier communication of anger.
  • Selenite – To clear and charge the other stones, it also breaks any negative attachments that may be looming on one. Calms, brings deep peace and mental clarity.
  • Shungite – Russians have been using this stone for years to purify their water. Besides purifying, this stone is excellent for counteracting negative electromagnetic radiations from affecting one’s physical body. It removes negativity, but will also rid the body of pollutants, bacteria, viruses and free radicals. It is the epitome of detoxifying.

Here are some other pictures I snapped at the gem show!

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Without Change There Would Be No Butterflies

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Butterflies have held symbolism in many cultures for centuries, mainly representing endurance, change, hope, and life. How suiting that this lovely creature decided to fly inside, to say ‘Hi’ at a celebration representing change, hope, and resilience.

 

Friday night was a celebration of overcoming the obstacle of addiction. Addiction is a side effect of anxiety, emotional, and physical traumas. The butterfly fluttering in was a great representation to remember the great endeavors we have overcome in life. It takes a lot of willpower and continuing hard work to maintain a life of sobriety. I wouldn’t be where I am today with out the support of my family and friends; living in a state of gratitude every day I wake up.

The Christian religion looks at the butterfly as a symbol of resurrection. Resurrection into a truer you. Powerful transformation, metamorphosis in your life, moving through different life cycles, renewal, and rebirth – I am using this evening’s visit as a refresher. A reminder that it is important to keep sight of your goals and keep pushing for what you want out of life.

Always. Taking. Steps. Forward.

“Like a butterfly, I am growing, and changing and finding my true colors in life. I am finding my wings so I can fly, and soon be on my way.”