Contradicting Thoughts and Realizations 

I went to a CA meeting on New Year’s Eve. The gentleman sharing was 21 years old. He had 5 years clean. I instantly judged him as not credible. He didn’t have enough experience. He didn’t have enough to lose.

Then he said something that instantly made me feel terrible about my judgments. “It doesn’t matter if you hit rock bottom or not we are all here for the same reason.” We go to meetings because we have a problem, we keep it anonymous to not be judged, we all agree we need help and that we cannot stay clean doing it alone. 

I felt horrible for having that initial thought, but that’s the point right? To catch ourselves if we do something wrong, recognize the error, and make it right. I realized this initial thought was silly based on one of my own beliefs. You only hit rock bottom when you die, if you are still alive there is still room for improvement. If you aren’t alive, you never have a chance to make things right. It doesn’t take a major life event to open your eyes to your addiction or a developing addiction. Sometimes all it takes is a realization that alcohol or drugs are causing you more pain then the pain you aim to escape from. Meetings are to give hope, to know you’re not alone, and something greater can help you conquer your addiction in despair. 

Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. It is important to stop pursuing whatever your idea of perfection is, you will never be happy if you aim for such an ideal. Find beauty in the littlr things. Happiness is appreciating what you have, not getting what you want.

Sobriety is a journey not a destination. I am excited to see what 2018 has in store for me!

#alwaysgettingbetter 

Without Change There Would Be No Butterflies

Butterflies have held symbolism in many cultures for centuries, mainly representing endurance, change, hope, and life. How suiting that this lovely creature decided to fly inside, to say ‘Hi’ at a celebration representing change, hope, and resilience.

 

Friday night was a celebration of overcoming the obstacle of addiction. Addiction is a side effect of anxiety, emotional, and physical traumas. The butterfly fluttering in was a great representation to remember the great endeavors we have overcome in life. It takes a lot of willpower and continuing hard work to maintain a life of sobriety. I wouldn’t be where I am today with out the support of my family and friends; living in a state of gratitude every day I wake up.

The Christian religion looks at the butterfly as a symbol of resurrection. Resurrection into a truer you. Powerful transformation, metamorphosis in your life, moving through different life cycles, renewal, and rebirth – I am using this evening’s visit as a refresher. A reminder that it is important to keep sight of your goals and keep pushing for what you want out of life.

Always. Taking. Steps. Forward.

“Like a butterfly, I am growing, and changing and finding my true colors in life. I am finding my wings so I can fly, and soon be on my way.”