“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept life completely in life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
-Page 417 of the Big Book
The sun was starting to set as we pulled into the parking lot. It was still warm for a day in January for Colorado, and the smell of chili from Wendys was wafting through the air. We walked across the parking lot to the only part of the strip mall still lit up. As I pulled open the door and entered the building, ‘what an eclectic group’ crossed my mind, as my eyes surveyed men and women aging from 20 to 80 from every race. A very nice man introduced himself to me and my partner, he included that he wanted to make us feel at home. It had been about 6 months since I had been to an AA meeting. This was a new one, closer to home, and I was excited to see what the vibe was. The room smelled of coffee as we chose some seats by the front door. The walls were covered in art, the AA steps and traditions, and several other quotes. One of my favorite read, “There’s nothing that bad that a drink can’t make worse.” Ain’t that the truth?
We began with the reading above from page 417 of the big book – and I knew I was in the right place at the right time. This was the message that I needed to hear. Acceptance. Why is Acceptance so hard to do? Later in the reading it states “There is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me and about you, I am complaining about God’s handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God.” Wow! Huh?!
When situations happen that I think are the worst ever or not fair, I start to question the universe and what the hell it’s trying to do. The funny part is, times when I feel the universe is out to get me- always end up being blessings in disguise. Times I was arrested – times I was in jail – times I was court ordered to rehab. These are times I am now SO grateful for. Had I not been arrested I wouldn’t have changed my ways and would probably be 6 feet under at the rate I was going. Jail taught me to be grateful for breathing fresh air, ability to eat healthy, and the beauty of turning on and off your own light – things that before that experience I most definitely took for granted. And lastly, rehab. It took me nearly 9 months to even realize that I had a problem, to really accept what I had become.
Through this acceptance I found strength and willpower to change, to make my life better. Since I have changed, the blessings I have received have been infinite. I can utilize my strengths in recovery to help other individuals going through similar circumstances. I have accepted myself and can now follow the path I was meant to. Still acceptance can be difficult, the mind is tricky and when you don’t pay attention it can get the best of you. Even in sobriety I don’t always accept myself or others. I tell myself I’m not good enough, I have crazy expectations for my partner, and I let it really bum me out if a friend gets called in to work and must bail on plans (like they can control that, ha!). These feelings and thoughts do not infiltrate my mind every day, but they still do sometimes. This brings gratitude beyond words for AA – as it reminds me to how to live. How to survive all the crazy life has to offer and not revert to using substances to cope.
I am sharing this in hopes for whomever reads it, that you find some acceptance today. Find acceptance in yourself, in your lover, in your parents, in your children, in your friends, in your coworker, in the idiot driving slow in the left lane, and the crazy one driving fast in the right lane. Accept life on life’s terms. You are the only one standing in-between you and happiness. Get out the way!
I like the idea of having a sponsor – I think it would be more beneficial to have 5 though. ha 🙂 I think one of the coolest things about being in the scene is the level of brutal honesty that comes with it. The best kind of friends do not tell you what you want to hear – they tell you what you need to hear, similar to a sponsor I would imagine.
Elevating Balance 