Contradicting Thoughts and Realizations 

I went to a CA meeting on New Year’s Eve. The gentleman sharing was 21 years old. He had 5 years clean. I instantly judged him as not credible. He didn’t have enough experience. He didn’t have enough to lose.

Then he said something that instantly made me feel terrible about my judgments. “It doesn’t matter if you hit rock bottom or not we are all here for the same reason.” We go to meetings because we have a problem, we keep it anonymous to not be judged, we all agree we need help and that we cannot stay clean doing it alone. 

I felt horrible for having that initial thought, but that’s the point right? To catch ourselves if we do something wrong, recognize the error, and make it right. I realized this initial thought was silly based on one of my own beliefs. You only hit rock bottom when you die, if you are still alive there is still room for improvement. If you aren’t alive, you never have a chance to make things right. It doesn’t take a major life event to open your eyes to your addiction or a developing addiction. Sometimes all it takes is a realization that alcohol or drugs are causing you more pain then the pain you aim to escape from. Meetings are to give hope, to know you’re not alone, and something greater can help you conquer your addiction in despair. 

Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. It is important to stop pursuing whatever your idea of perfection is, you will never be happy if you aim for such an ideal. Find beauty in the littlr things. Happiness is appreciating what you have, not getting what you want.

Sobriety is a journey not a destination. I am excited to see what 2018 has in store for me!

#alwaysgettingbetter 

Donatello, The Reminder.

Just breath.

In.

And.

Out.

Repeat.

This week has been rough emotionally for me. No reason why. Just sad. Maybe the solar flares a couple days ago had an effect? Perhaps mercury retrograde is placing a spin on things? Could be the stress from the holidays and scrambling to get the “appropriate” gifts for everyone. Either way, sometimes these “emotional funks” come and it can be impossible to leave your bed.

Occasionally they pass, and other times you must pull yourself out. The best way I have found to do this is by re-accessing my goals and making sure I am still on the path to achieving them and remembering what I am grateful for.

Today I put a little Donatello Ninja figurine at my desk. Although this action may look as though I am trying to preserve my youth, it has a deeper representation for me. The name Donatello has Latin, Italian, and Spanish roots and means “Gifts or Given from God”. Placed on my desk today as a reminder to hold gratitude for all the gifts we already have, counting all the blessings that continually enter my life.

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