experience – Elevating Balance

Ocean Waves

February 6, 2018February 6, 2018Leave a comment

The ebb and flow of change is sometimes hard to cope with. When the story doesn’t go as you imagined and it doesnt seem to be in your favor. It sure is hard to see the light sometimes, collecting our blessings and lessons gathered from realizations of experiences with positive or negative outcomes.

If you are currently unhappy or upset about a thought, feeling, or consequence

Change it.

Easier said then done. Although, different perspectives can drastically shift the emotion attached to particular thoughts. For instance, a lover’s quarrel seems miniscule in comparison to a friend being diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes all it takes is a change of scenery to secure a different outlook on your current situation. Sometimes I look at pictures of puppies and kitties for sale on craigslist – it always seems to make me smile. Perhaps I will sit down and watch a comedy or a documentary or a guided meditation. Today I decided to try something new….

It was both terrifying and magical to walk through the tropical forest at The Butterfly Pavilion. So scared I may step on one, yet watching them flutter around and zip past my head was breathtaking. They freaked me out when they came zooming for my head, of course it always resulted in a soft giggle to myself for being frightened of something so silly.

One of these delicate creatures landed on my journal this afternoon, while staring up at me with its glossy eyes, it smiled and reminded me to see the bigger picture. Change can be complicated, terrifying, magical, breathtaking, humbling, fast, silly, and simple all at the same time.

Butterflies are not afraid of the unknown and whimsically dance through the forecast of fear to fully live in the now. There is an innate beauty in the finishing of a process, a completion of a step, and the excitement of the unknown future. To go boldly, genuinely, and with love is the greatest gift one can give. Always keeping in mind “Everything is going to be OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.

❤

Contradicting Thoughts and Realizations

January 2, 2018January 2, 2018Leave a comment

I went to a CA meeting on New Year’s Eve. The gentleman sharing was 21 years old. He had 5 years clean. I instantly judged him as not credible. He didn’t have enough experience. He didn’t have enough to lose.

Then he said something that instantly made me feel terrible about my judgments. “It doesn’t matter if you hit rock bottom or not we are all here for the same reason.” We go to meetings because we have a problem, we keep it anonymous to not be judged, we all agree we need help and that we cannot stay clean doing it alone.

I felt horrible for having that initial thought, but that’s the point right? To catch ourselves if we do something wrong, recognize the error, and make it right. I realized this initial thought was silly based on one of my own beliefs. You only hit rock bottom when you die, if you are still alive there is still room for improvement. If you aren’t alive, you never have a chance to make things right. It doesn’t take a major life event to open your eyes to your addiction or a developing addiction. Sometimes all it takes is a realization that alcohol or drugs are causing you more pain then the pain you aim to escape from. Meetings are to give hope, to know you’re not alone, and something greater can help you conquer your addiction in despair.

Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. It is important to stop pursuing whatever your idea of perfection is, you will never be happy if you aim for such an ideal. Find beauty in the littlr things. Happiness is appreciating what you have, not getting what you want.

Sobriety is a journey not a destination. I am excited to see what 2018 has in store for me!

#alwaysgettingbetter

Sponsorship

October 20, 2017October 24, 2017Leave a comment

I went to an AA meeting last night and the topic was sponsorship…. I still have yet to get a sponsor and start practicing the steps. NA and AA aren’t my major routes of maintaining a clean, productive life. I instead take a different path – as my lawyer once told a judge, she marches to the beat of a different drum.

I instead emerge myself in activities that I love, that I find joy in. I continually make goals for myself to achieve. I expand my network of people in sobriety as often as I can. Community is important. When you are walking this path, it is a necessity to have people to reach out to. Life is busy. When one doesn’t answer, you go to the next name on the list. Persistence pays off, once persistent to catch a high – now to avoid it.

I like the idea of having a sponsor – I think it would be more beneficial to have 5 though. ha 🙂 I think one of the coolest things about being in the scene is the level of brutal honesty that comes with it. The best kind of friends do not tell you what you want to hear – they tell you what you need to hear, similar to a sponsor I would imagine.

It is a beautiful feeling to have experienced everything I have and to be where I am today. To get to a point of gratitude and acceptance for the all the bad decisions I ever made, all of the terrible things that have happened, and the amount of change that evokes within.

You never know when a story you tell can be the perfect seed to help the garden sprout. Do not hold yourself back from telling yours, every chance you get. I believe everyone marches to their own drumbeat, picking up ideas from every avenue and putting them in practice, until one finds what works for them.