destiny – Elevating Balance

Ocean Waves

February 6, 2018February 6, 2018Leave a comment

The ebb and flow of change is sometimes hard to cope with. When the story doesn’t go as you imagined and it doesnt seem to be in your favor. It sure is hard to see the light sometimes, collecting our blessings and lessons gathered from realizations of experiences with positive or negative outcomes.

If you are currently unhappy or upset about a thought, feeling, or consequence

Change it.

Easier said then done. Although, different perspectives can drastically shift the emotion attached to particular thoughts. For instance, a lover’s quarrel seems miniscule in comparison to a friend being diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes all it takes is a change of scenery to secure a different outlook on your current situation. Sometimes I look at pictures of puppies and kitties for sale on craigslist – it always seems to make me smile. Perhaps I will sit down and watch a comedy or a documentary or a guided meditation. Today I decided to try something new….

It was both terrifying and magical to walk through the tropical forest at The Butterfly Pavilion. So scared I may step on one, yet watching them flutter around and zip past my head was breathtaking. They freaked me out when they came zooming for my head, of course it always resulted in a soft giggle to myself for being frightened of something so silly.

One of these delicate creatures landed on my journal this afternoon, while staring up at me with its glossy eyes, it smiled and reminded me to see the bigger picture. Change can be complicated, terrifying, magical, breathtaking, humbling, fast, silly, and simple all at the same time.

Butterflies are not afraid of the unknown and whimsically dance through the forecast of fear to fully live in the now. There is an innate beauty in the finishing of a process, a completion of a step, and the excitement of the unknown future. To go boldly, genuinely, and with love is the greatest gift one can give. Always keeping in mind “Everything is going to be OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.

❤

Contradicting Thoughts and Realizations

January 2, 2018January 2, 2018Leave a comment

I went to a CA meeting on New Year’s Eve. The gentleman sharing was 21 years old. He had 5 years clean. I instantly judged him as not credible. He didn’t have enough experience. He didn’t have enough to lose.

Then he said something that instantly made me feel terrible about my judgments. “It doesn’t matter if you hit rock bottom or not we are all here for the same reason.” We go to meetings because we have a problem, we keep it anonymous to not be judged, we all agree we need help and that we cannot stay clean doing it alone.

I felt horrible for having that initial thought, but that’s the point right? To catch ourselves if we do something wrong, recognize the error, and make it right. I realized this initial thought was silly based on one of my own beliefs. You only hit rock bottom when you die, if you are still alive there is still room for improvement. If you aren’t alive, you never have a chance to make things right. It doesn’t take a major life event to open your eyes to your addiction or a developing addiction. Sometimes all it takes is a realization that alcohol or drugs are causing you more pain then the pain you aim to escape from. Meetings are to give hope, to know you’re not alone, and something greater can help you conquer your addiction in despair.

Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. It is important to stop pursuing whatever your idea of perfection is, you will never be happy if you aim for such an ideal. Find beauty in the littlr things. Happiness is appreciating what you have, not getting what you want.

Sobriety is a journey not a destination. I am excited to see what 2018 has in store for me!

#alwaysgettingbetter

Crickets – Symbolizing Luck

September 8, 2017September 8, 2017Leave a comment

The beautiful sounds of crickets chirping outside as I lay my head down to rest. This last week has been packed full of long days of work. It feels so nice to be horizontal and this lovely tune outside of my window inspires me to write. How fitting that the cricket symbolizes luck, good fortune, and everything one has been working toward and dreaming about are now possible.

Every step I take, now in the direction aligned with the end goal – save enough money to move out of the country for several years. There was lackadaisical planning since 2012 when my first escape was interrupted by the law. The plan bloomed the summer of last year. Now, with a year left until launch date, there is serious planning, arduous work, and of course honoring my wild side until we depart.

When I say we, I’m referring to my friend Margaret and me. Oddly enough I met her in the rehab I was sentenced to 2 years after my judicial debacle. I didn’t like her when I first met her; funny how some people grow on you over time – to a point where we are virtually inseparable. This lovely woman and I are currently planning an exciting expedition. Theoretically we would love to go to every country, although most nations aren’t very fond of Americans or felons for that matter.

I have always been an explorer. Traveling to 48 states and a several countries left me craving more, more than the drugs I use to lose myself in. I have been patiently (well let’s be real, I haven’t been patient) waiting to finish probation so I can leave the state freely without requiring permission. Probably a funny thought for most people, requesting to leave and having a solid approved reason to do so. Apparently “because I feel at home on the road ” wasn’t a sufficient answer. 😉

The day that I discovered the world had different chakra centers of energy vortexes, both hemispheres of my brain lit on fire. This was it. This would be the basis of a guide for the beginning of traveling. What started off as a singular adventure quadrupled to four companions. Over the course of a year, 2 dropped off the bandwagon, leaving just two of us to pioneer our own destinies of exploration.

Planning escalated when two friends informed me they were getting married in Costa Rica 3-4 months before we thought we were going to leave. The research beings. Where do you even start to plan a trip like this aside from overworking yourself to save the money … we decided visas and vaccinations, after we picked all the countries of course. Our list is currently nearing 80 different countries.

As this cricket slowly gets quieter I feel as it’s my cue to wrap this up for tonight …. it’s so hard to sleep when I get excited.