breath – Elevating Balance

No plans November

November 14, 2022Leave a comment

Anyone else feel burnt out from all the activities over summer? I am. Some people are planners, but I am not one of them. I prefer to go with the flow and decide what to do day of. For the sake of my toddler getting some socialization we have been busy doing playdates multiple times a week since Spring. I am burnt out. I need a break from making plans. How do you tell your friends you don’t want to hang out, without hurting their feelings?

I am not sure either. So here we are, almost halfway through November and I have done fantastic with my No plan- plan, I guess I got lucky with colds and a Montessori conference, but I think I am to the point I will just have to say something and hope my dear friends do not take it personal. We have gone out to eat once with another family – but that was planned and arranged by my husband, so still on track with my weird goal.

Today’s world has me feeling like I must be depressed if I don’t want to hang out with people, but I don’t feel that way. I really enjoy alone time and embracing a season of rest, decluttering, cleansing, and reset. We aren’t being completely antisocial either. We have been to the playground several times and Malia always manages to make a friend and I end up talking to said friend’s mom. Perhaps in these conversation, the inner questions will unfold and be answered.

I feel like my soul is calling out to slow down, sit alone with my thoughts, conserve energy, and deal with one thing at a time, as I follow the prompts from within. Planning doesn’t allow me to be as present. Most of the summer felt like a race of cleaning, teaching, hiking, and errands. Winter is a wonderful time to slow down and breath. When you hike down a snow covered trail, the peaceful-serene feeling is inexplicable. I can’t clear my head on a hike if someone else is walking beside me talking, which is why I prefer to go alone. It’s my therapy. Anybody else need alone time to reset?

In honor of being more present this month, I am sticking to No Plans November. You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, and let go and see what happens. Que Sera, Sera.

Ocean Waves

February 6, 2018February 6, 2018Leave a comment

The ebb and flow of change is sometimes hard to cope with. When the story doesn’t go as you imagined and it doesnt seem to be in your favor. It sure is hard to see the light sometimes, collecting our blessings and lessons gathered from realizations of experiences with positive or negative outcomes.

If you are currently unhappy or upset about a thought, feeling, or consequence

Change it.

Easier said then done. Although, different perspectives can drastically shift the emotion attached to particular thoughts. For instance, a lover’s quarrel seems miniscule in comparison to a friend being diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes all it takes is a change of scenery to secure a different outlook on your current situation. Sometimes I look at pictures of puppies and kitties for sale on craigslist – it always seems to make me smile. Perhaps I will sit down and watch a comedy or a documentary or a guided meditation. Today I decided to try something new….

It was both terrifying and magical to walk through the tropical forest at The Butterfly Pavilion. So scared I may step on one, yet watching them flutter around and zip past my head was breathtaking. They freaked me out when they came zooming for my head, of course it always resulted in a soft giggle to myself for being frightened of something so silly.

One of these delicate creatures landed on my journal this afternoon, while staring up at me with its glossy eyes, it smiled and reminded me to see the bigger picture. Change can be complicated, terrifying, magical, breathtaking, humbling, fast, silly, and simple all at the same time.

Butterflies are not afraid of the unknown and whimsically dance through the forecast of fear to fully live in the now. There is an innate beauty in the finishing of a process, a completion of a step, and the excitement of the unknown future. To go boldly, genuinely, and with love is the greatest gift one can give. Always keeping in mind “Everything is going to be OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.

❤

Contradicting Thoughts and Realizations

January 2, 2018January 2, 2018Leave a comment

I went to a CA meeting on New Year’s Eve. The gentleman sharing was 21 years old. He had 5 years clean. I instantly judged him as not credible. He didn’t have enough experience. He didn’t have enough to lose.

Then he said something that instantly made me feel terrible about my judgments. “It doesn’t matter if you hit rock bottom or not we are all here for the same reason.” We go to meetings because we have a problem, we keep it anonymous to not be judged, we all agree we need help and that we cannot stay clean doing it alone.

I felt horrible for having that initial thought, but that’s the point right? To catch ourselves if we do something wrong, recognize the error, and make it right. I realized this initial thought was silly based on one of my own beliefs. You only hit rock bottom when you die, if you are still alive there is still room for improvement. If you aren’t alive, you never have a chance to make things right. It doesn’t take a major life event to open your eyes to your addiction or a developing addiction. Sometimes all it takes is a realization that alcohol or drugs are causing you more pain then the pain you aim to escape from. Meetings are to give hope, to know you’re not alone, and something greater can help you conquer your addiction in despair.

Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth. It is important to stop pursuing whatever your idea of perfection is, you will never be happy if you aim for such an ideal. Find beauty in the littlr things. Happiness is appreciating what you have, not getting what you want.

Sobriety is a journey not a destination. I am excited to see what 2018 has in store for me!

#alwaysgettingbetter

Donatello, The Reminder.

December 20, 2017December 20, 2017Leave a comment

Just breath.

In.

And.

Out.

Repeat.

This week has been rough emotionally for me. No reason why. Just sad. Maybe the solar flares a couple days ago had an effect? Perhaps mercury retrograde is placing a spin on things? Could be the stress from the holidays and scrambling to get the “appropriate” gifts for everyone. Either way, sometimes these “emotional funks” come and it can be impossible to leave your bed.

Occasionally they pass, and other times you must pull yourself out. The best way I have found to do this is by re-accessing my goals and making sure I am still on the path to achieving them and remembering what I am grateful for.

Today I put a little Donatello Ninja figurine at my desk. Although this action may look as though I am trying to preserve my youth, it has a deeper representation for me. The name Donatello has Latin, Italian, and Spanish roots and means “Gifts or Given from God”. Placed on my desk today as a reminder to hold gratitude for all the gifts we already have, counting all the blessings that continually enter my life.